The "tag-along" driver

You know, I really can't believe I have forgotten to post about these putzoids so far. I have no idea why I haven't, it simply evaded me! But, have no fear, your time is here! I will now proceed to bash yet one more idiot driver!

Who is this "tag-along" driver? This is the braniac that follows the very slow moving traffic through an intersection, only to get stuck in the middle when his light turns red. Smooth one, buddy, now the traffic trying to go the other direction can't. But, hey, they get a nice, long chance to admire the side of your car... and how they'd love to drive a sledge hammer through it!

Yes, you're an idiot.

Now, for your information, when the traffic is going that slow here's what you are supposed to do. First, if it looks like the traffic is stopping on the other side of the intersection, STOP.

But my light is green!!! Its my right!!!

I have news for you. All you have to do is wait. If the cars ahead move far enough, presto! Now you can go! And, if the unfortunate event occurs that your light now turns red, well guess what. When traffic is moving that slow, I don't think you'll lose too much time.

You now what? I was thinking about all these dumb driver posts and I've come up with the cure (unfortunately, this cure has to be applied by the dumb driver himself, so may not be very effective for the rest of us). Here it is, in a nice step by step format:

1. You are NOT the only driver on the road (repeat this phrase over and over in your head until it sinks in) .
2. A little courtesy goes a looooooong way (give the other guy a break).
3. 98% of the time, your hurry is no more important than the other guys. We've all got places to be.
4. Its a chain reaction. What you do (most importantly during rush hour) exponentially affects the drivers behind you. If you slam on your brakes, the guy behind you has to hit his even harder, and the guy behind him harder yet... and so on.

There you go. I'll get off my soapbox now (until next time, anyways).

Thank you, I'm here all week!

Congrats Edmonton drivers! (sort of)

I need to post this here. I tend to be overbearingly negative, and if I see something positive I should really post it.

We've had a couple of decent snow falls already this year (and, yes, it's not even mid-November yet!). However, I've been very impressed that I haven't seen anyone in the ditches yet! Now, I have seen maybe 1 or 2 marks where someone was in the ditch, but that's it. Quite impressive! Usually, at the first snow, the ditches are so full of cars the wildlife stay on the roads as its safer for them... but this year seems to be different.

Now, on that same note, part of the reason there's no one in the ditch is because everyone is driving so flippin' slow!!! :) Come on, live a little! A little ditch never hurt anyone! Or, actually, it probably has, but whatever... Anyways, we need to find a happy medium. One that allows me to get to work in less than an hour and a half and that still limits the amount of action the ditches see... I'll get working on that!

What your car reminds me of...

If you drive a.... You're reminding me of a....

Honda Element = Microwave
Dodge Caravan = Sausage
Nissan Quest/Honda Odessy = A big Lady's rearend! (Sorry, there's no tactful way to say it!)
Pontiac Aztec = Uh, how about puke?

Care to add anything here?

Oh, and I heard this joke the other day: What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside!

The "Let me in" driver.... argg!

This post goes to all of those out there that think they are in a bigger hurry than the rest of us. For those of you that love to drive as far as you can in a "turn-only" lane or similar, only to push your way in with the rest of us more curteous drivers at the last minute, this one's for you!

First of all, who do you really think you are that you can't wait like the rest? You know FULL WELL that your lane will turn, but you INSIST on driving all the way to the front and causing the rest of us the inconvenience of having to wait on you.

Second of all, who is the guy up there letting these putz's into the line in the first place? Do you think you're just being nice? Do you think they really couldn't get into the line before? Or are you just too slow?

The other day I was waiting in a long left turn lane when I noticed in my mirror some idiot driving up beside us on the shoulder! There was no lane, and, in fact, hardly the width for anything bigger than a medium-sized car, but no! Here he goes rudely marching his way to the front and then pushing his way in! Did he really think that he was that much more important that he could do that and we wouldn't mind? And who the heck let him in? What were THEY thinking? "Oh, look dear, this poor guy is stuck on the shoulder for some reason. He must be so confused. Why don't we let him in..." Get a grip, people!

Why don't you just walk up to me and slap me in the face? It would really be no different! Its just as rude! Sure, I understand that there are times when someone new to the area doesn't realize he's in the wrong lane and needs in. However, I choose to believe that most of us have common sense. And common sense would tell me that, hey, those two lanes are completely stopped, yet this lane is moving at 100 miles an hour, so this lane probably ends or exits. Maybe I should get into these other lanes like everyone else. Not, "Wow, the rest of these 400 people must not be aware that this lane is available, so I'll keep driving... Oh! Would you looky there! I need to get over, my lane ends! Excuse me, coming through! Move over!"

But, alas, I think I am blindly mistaken. Common sense does not seem to be very common at all!

What are the chances???

Really. I don't post forever, then I do and its about statistics, one of those being distracted drivers. Then, lo and behold, I'm behind some putz this morning that's shaving as he's driving!

Now, in his defense, it was power shaver, not a bucket of water and a razor or anything. Plus, he only pulled down his visor-mirror when he was moving really slow....

Sheesh! Although, I was thinking about it later. I don't know which one of us was really more distracted. Him shaving, or me watching him shave in bewilderment!!!

Concepts... ugh!

Well, before I leave for the day, I thought I'd put some pictures in here of some crazy concept cars. The real crazy thing is, if people actually buy the Aztecs and Elements of the world now, what's stopping them from buying these???

I have no idea who made this... Probably Toyota. Maybe its the next Smart car?


And you thought the Yaris was bad...


This really is a Smart product. Not horrible, I guess. Kind of makes me think of something from "A Bug's life" or something... Maybe an alien?


I really don't know who made this either, but someone must stop these people!!!

Scary Statistics

Its been a while, eh? Well, I ranted and raved so well, that I didn't need to vent anymore! I am just starting to accept that there will always be stupid drivers doing stupid things, so I'll just try and ignore them and keep driving.... Hah! Easier said than done, that's for sure!

But, I did manage to come across a couple of unsettling statistics about drivers that I thought I should share here.

1. First of all, about 75% or more of the drivers on the road truly believe they are good drivers! (Reality: Maybe 25% actually are?)
2. During the first year of having a license, 1 in 5 males and 1 in 10 females will be involved in a motor vehicle accident.
3. 40% of Canadians admitted to have driven while being drunk (55% of males!)
4. They do say that 20-30% of accidents are due to driver distractions ,but they'll never know because no one ever will admit they were doing something they shouldn't have been before they creamed the next guy's bumper.

Anyways, not shocking or new to most of you (except maybe the one about people thinking they're good drivers), but kind of sobering. I will say this, though. In my experience, stupid, reckless or inattentive driving knows no gender, age, racial or economic boundaries. I've seen the worst drivers some days, and one day its a lady, the next a man. Sometimes he's driving a brand new BMW Z4, other days a 1982 Honda Civic. Sometimes he'll be white, other times East Indian. I guess what I'm saying is, it really doesn't matter who or what you are, you can still be a dumb driver! :)

Now that's smart!

Saw this on Macleod Trail in Calgary the other day. A Ford truck up on the display blocks with a Smart car in the back! Nice!

The caption on the side of the truck reads "Now THAT's smart!"

I wish I had a digital camera, cause I would've taken a picture and posted it here. I'm not sure if they were bragging about the weight capabilities of the truck, or if they were making fun of the Smart car. Either way, I thought it was pretty funny!

Hey, you thought that car had good gas mileage before? Try loading it up in the back of your neighbour's 1/2 ton!

Spoilers --- what the????

I did a search on "ugly spoilers" and came up with so many pictures, I couldn't choose which one to put on here! So I decided to put a few, just to show the ridiculous-ness of these hideous things. Let me just check, here, before I go on. What is the purpose of a spoiler? Is it not to give you more traction at high speeds? Is it not to force the rear of your vehicle down to the ground further, creating a more solid grip between tire and pavement? Am I out to lunch, or is this not what a spoiler does? So why the heck do people put these monstrosity's on Cavaliers, Grand Ams, or Sunfires? These cars couldn't do 150km/h without falling apart. Before then, do you really believe that they're going to have problems with rear wheel traction? What the........?

Why do people think these things look good??? They probably decrease the performance of the cars! Oh, but I guess if these guys had any idea what performance actually was, they'd throw those crap fins as far as they could.

Oh! And how about spoilers on trucks now? Sure, a little extra traction on the rear wheels could be beneficial at times. But, honestly, there's a point where "a little extra traction" (translation: Probably not even noticeable) gets trumped by "that's butt ugly"! Hey, its a flippin' TRUCK people! Give your head a shake! I'm not saying there's not performance trucks out there. On those trucks, well, its still stinkin' ugly, but at least I can maybe see the reasoning behind it. But the majority of these brainiacs are putting them on their regular 1/2 tons! Nice. Try loading something into the back, you idiots. Say, like, a washer. What good is a truck if it can't be used as a truck?

You know what? I have a Play Station 1 (yeah, I know, I'm up there!). Guess what, it can play CD's! Wow. Do I use it to play CD's? Heck NO! Its the stupidest CD player I've ever seen. That's why I have a CD player. But, hey, it does a heck of a job playing Grand Turismo 2. Get my point? A truck is made for being a truck. If you want a car, buy a car! Don't waste and embarass that poor Chev by succombing it to such cruelty.

The 2 stall parker

Yeah. You know who you are. Lane stradlers. Chances are, you also hold up traffic by driving in the left lane, drive with your fog lights on 24/7 and like how the Aztec actually looks.

Yeah, I'm finally coming after you. Hey, if you're going to Zellars at 9pm on a weeknight, big deal! There's ample parking, and most people won't care that you're taking up two or more stalls. We're laughing at you, yes. But that is all.

However, its when you brainless, selfish pigs decide to take up multiple parking stalls during peak hours in packed parking lots. I don't care if this is only 10% of drivers. You 10% are driving the rest of us absolutely mad.

How hard is it, really, to hit that 10ft wide spot behind those two 6in lines? OK, some may be narrower than others. And, sure, maybe you drive a big truck. My answer to you? LEARN HOW TO DRIVE A TRUCK IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE A TRUCK. What really gets me is the little Toyota and Mazda drivers that can't fit their 3ft wide car into an 8ft wide spot! Yikes!

If your aim is that off, how can we trust you on the road? Am I safe driving in my lane beside you, or should I be worried that you might decide you need half of my lane all of a sudden?

Not only do these people have bad aim, most of them have really bad depth perception too! So now, we're taking up four stalls! Sometimes I wish I drove a butt-ugly little echo, or maybe a smart car or something. I would then park in the stall behind you and get my buddy to block you in from the other side... Then leave for a day or so....

Unfortunately, I have a life and must go on living it regardless of the fact that you don't know how to drive. Hey, those lines were painted for a reason. And, I hate to break it to you, but there are more drivers out there who might like to park too.

Oh, and if you come out and I've parked my beater smack up next to you? Yeah, hit it all you want. I'm laughing! Now go over to the passenger side and crawl across the seat to the driver's side and get your piece of junk out of the parking lot. Next time, think for a second before leaving your crap across multiple stalls.

As promised, the "LEFT LANE SQUATTERS"!!!

In my last post I promised to come after these particular drivers. Why have I waited so long to attack those who are the most common? Was it for dramatic effect? Was it for lack of material? Nay, it was but for lack of time! I am sorry for not addressing one of the most pressing issues in our modern driving world sooner. The left lane squatters! Otherwise known as the------ Oh, wait, this is dedicated to being a "family friendly" blog, I can't say that.

For this blog, they are to be known as the LLS's. If you feel the need to put different words to those letters, be my guest. Lousy Low-down Suckers, Lame Lazy So--- Anyways, YOU fill them in. I'm sure you have before.

Oh, and if you're reading this and thinking, "I can drive wherever I darn well please, you moron." I have three words for you. READ THE SIGNS. And I'm not just talking about the signs that drivers may be making at you as they pass you on your right. I'm talking about the big, black and white metal highway sign that reads in plain english, "SLOWER DRIVERS KEEP RIGHT" or maybe "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY". Whatever it says, most of us drivers actually get the point!

So what exactly are you thinking when you are putzing in that left lane? Are you thinking "Hahaha, I am an evil genius about to take over the world!", or maybe "Duh, am I out of Britain yet?" or how about "...........???????............"

Oh, sure, I know a lot of you are planning on turning left at some point, so might as well get over now, right? WRONG! Let me be the one to inform you that if your turn is more than 2 miles away (at highway speeds), you are allowed to remain in the right lane.

Oh, and hey, freeways within city limits are NO EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE. It's called common freakin' courtesy PEOPLE!

Really, what is there to say about these squatters? Besides the fact that they are in violation of traffic procedures? Or that they make this world a worse place? Or that they have their heads so far up their butts that they don't have a hope of realizing that there are other drivers on the road?

MOVE YOUR BUSTED-*** VEHICLE OVER AND STAY THERE!

Hmmmm.

I kind of ticked some girl off this morning. She seemed pretty upset anyways. But, hey, what can I do when I'm such a good driver and she's not?

So here she is driving 65 in a 70 zone. Not a terrible sin in and of itself. Except for the fact that she was in the LEFT LANE (I'll attack you left lane squatters later). And, to boot, there was another driver going roughly the same speed in the right lane. So, when the right land driver exited, I saw my chance so I took it.

In a death defying, thriller move (NOT!) I weaved out from behind this girl in order to get around her! And she speeds up. Good one, lady! Not one to be outdone, and seeing my window fast disappearing, I engaged all 140 horses from my Grand Am street racer (hah!) and squeezed in front of her.

Needless to say, I got the usual horn, brights and finger waving from the girl. Whatever, I just kept driving, not feeling like getting into a serious altercation on the infamous Edmonton Whitemud.

But she wasn't finished with me yet. Once the freeway opened up to a three lane, she made her move as soon as she could and got up beside me. I glanced at her, but I really couldn't tell you what she looked like. I couldn't get a decent look at her face. I could tell you what her finger looked like, though. Anyways, in true annoying, stubbron style, I waved and smiled at her and turned back. Silly Scott, why do you have to antagonize people?

Sure enough, she now engages all 90 horses in her little Hyundai and gets around in front of me. Pretty soon, she's going 70 in the left lane again! OK, I finally had enough sense to get far away from her and got into the far right lane until she was gone.

I wonder what the rest of her day was like. I hope it improved. Boy it's hard being the only good driver on the road...

The "steady-on" driver!

Not to be associated or compared with the "variable speed" driver, although similarities do exist!

This guy drives 100 in the 80 zone and 100 in the 110 zone. It's like he doesn't realize that his car has the ability to go any different.

Here you are, plodding away at 80 clicks, out of your dear respect you have for the cops (even though you wish you could be going 100), and ZOOM a "steady-on" driver flies by you! Whoa! That guy's in a hurry!

Wait, no he's not! The speed limit went up to 110, so you speed up accordingly. However, you are gaining on the steady-on. Sure enough, now you fly by him! What the...?

No big deal, unless he pulls an "idiot-road-block" maneuver and putts along beside another slow driver, holding you from driving your rightfull 110! Putzoid.

Cars should really be made with "idiot-sensors" that kill the ignition when it senses an idiot about to get behind the wheel. We would all find out roads a much safer place... and quieter!