Now that's smart!

Saw this on Macleod Trail in Calgary the other day. A Ford truck up on the display blocks with a Smart car in the back! Nice!

The caption on the side of the truck reads "Now THAT's smart!"

I wish I had a digital camera, cause I would've taken a picture and posted it here. I'm not sure if they were bragging about the weight capabilities of the truck, or if they were making fun of the Smart car. Either way, I thought it was pretty funny!

Hey, you thought that car had good gas mileage before? Try loading it up in the back of your neighbour's 1/2 ton!

Spoilers --- what the????

I did a search on "ugly spoilers" and came up with so many pictures, I couldn't choose which one to put on here! So I decided to put a few, just to show the ridiculous-ness of these hideous things. Let me just check, here, before I go on. What is the purpose of a spoiler? Is it not to give you more traction at high speeds? Is it not to force the rear of your vehicle down to the ground further, creating a more solid grip between tire and pavement? Am I out to lunch, or is this not what a spoiler does? So why the heck do people put these monstrosity's on Cavaliers, Grand Ams, or Sunfires? These cars couldn't do 150km/h without falling apart. Before then, do you really believe that they're going to have problems with rear wheel traction? What the........?

Why do people think these things look good??? They probably decrease the performance of the cars! Oh, but I guess if these guys had any idea what performance actually was, they'd throw those crap fins as far as they could.

Oh! And how about spoilers on trucks now? Sure, a little extra traction on the rear wheels could be beneficial at times. But, honestly, there's a point where "a little extra traction" (translation: Probably not even noticeable) gets trumped by "that's butt ugly"! Hey, its a flippin' TRUCK people! Give your head a shake! I'm not saying there's not performance trucks out there. On those trucks, well, its still stinkin' ugly, but at least I can maybe see the reasoning behind it. But the majority of these brainiacs are putting them on their regular 1/2 tons! Nice. Try loading something into the back, you idiots. Say, like, a washer. What good is a truck if it can't be used as a truck?

You know what? I have a Play Station 1 (yeah, I know, I'm up there!). Guess what, it can play CD's! Wow. Do I use it to play CD's? Heck NO! Its the stupidest CD player I've ever seen. That's why I have a CD player. But, hey, it does a heck of a job playing Grand Turismo 2. Get my point? A truck is made for being a truck. If you want a car, buy a car! Don't waste and embarass that poor Chev by succombing it to such cruelty.

The 2 stall parker

Yeah. You know who you are. Lane stradlers. Chances are, you also hold up traffic by driving in the left lane, drive with your fog lights on 24/7 and like how the Aztec actually looks.

Yeah, I'm finally coming after you. Hey, if you're going to Zellars at 9pm on a weeknight, big deal! There's ample parking, and most people won't care that you're taking up two or more stalls. We're laughing at you, yes. But that is all.

However, its when you brainless, selfish pigs decide to take up multiple parking stalls during peak hours in packed parking lots. I don't care if this is only 10% of drivers. You 10% are driving the rest of us absolutely mad.

How hard is it, really, to hit that 10ft wide spot behind those two 6in lines? OK, some may be narrower than others. And, sure, maybe you drive a big truck. My answer to you? LEARN HOW TO DRIVE A TRUCK IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE A TRUCK. What really gets me is the little Toyota and Mazda drivers that can't fit their 3ft wide car into an 8ft wide spot! Yikes!

If your aim is that off, how can we trust you on the road? Am I safe driving in my lane beside you, or should I be worried that you might decide you need half of my lane all of a sudden?

Not only do these people have bad aim, most of them have really bad depth perception too! So now, we're taking up four stalls! Sometimes I wish I drove a butt-ugly little echo, or maybe a smart car or something. I would then park in the stall behind you and get my buddy to block you in from the other side... Then leave for a day or so....

Unfortunately, I have a life and must go on living it regardless of the fact that you don't know how to drive. Hey, those lines were painted for a reason. And, I hate to break it to you, but there are more drivers out there who might like to park too.

Oh, and if you come out and I've parked my beater smack up next to you? Yeah, hit it all you want. I'm laughing! Now go over to the passenger side and crawl across the seat to the driver's side and get your piece of junk out of the parking lot. Next time, think for a second before leaving your crap across multiple stalls.

As promised, the "LEFT LANE SQUATTERS"!!!

In my last post I promised to come after these particular drivers. Why have I waited so long to attack those who are the most common? Was it for dramatic effect? Was it for lack of material? Nay, it was but for lack of time! I am sorry for not addressing one of the most pressing issues in our modern driving world sooner. The left lane squatters! Otherwise known as the------ Oh, wait, this is dedicated to being a "family friendly" blog, I can't say that.

For this blog, they are to be known as the LLS's. If you feel the need to put different words to those letters, be my guest. Lousy Low-down Suckers, Lame Lazy So--- Anyways, YOU fill them in. I'm sure you have before.

Oh, and if you're reading this and thinking, "I can drive wherever I darn well please, you moron." I have three words for you. READ THE SIGNS. And I'm not just talking about the signs that drivers may be making at you as they pass you on your right. I'm talking about the big, black and white metal highway sign that reads in plain english, "SLOWER DRIVERS KEEP RIGHT" or maybe "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY". Whatever it says, most of us drivers actually get the point!

So what exactly are you thinking when you are putzing in that left lane? Are you thinking "Hahaha, I am an evil genius about to take over the world!", or maybe "Duh, am I out of Britain yet?" or how about "...........???????............"

Oh, sure, I know a lot of you are planning on turning left at some point, so might as well get over now, right? WRONG! Let me be the one to inform you that if your turn is more than 2 miles away (at highway speeds), you are allowed to remain in the right lane.

Oh, and hey, freeways within city limits are NO EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE. It's called common freakin' courtesy PEOPLE!

Really, what is there to say about these squatters? Besides the fact that they are in violation of traffic procedures? Or that they make this world a worse place? Or that they have their heads so far up their butts that they don't have a hope of realizing that there are other drivers on the road?

MOVE YOUR BUSTED-*** VEHICLE OVER AND STAY THERE!

Hmmmm.

I kind of ticked some girl off this morning. She seemed pretty upset anyways. But, hey, what can I do when I'm such a good driver and she's not?

So here she is driving 65 in a 70 zone. Not a terrible sin in and of itself. Except for the fact that she was in the LEFT LANE (I'll attack you left lane squatters later). And, to boot, there was another driver going roughly the same speed in the right lane. So, when the right land driver exited, I saw my chance so I took it.

In a death defying, thriller move (NOT!) I weaved out from behind this girl in order to get around her! And she speeds up. Good one, lady! Not one to be outdone, and seeing my window fast disappearing, I engaged all 140 horses from my Grand Am street racer (hah!) and squeezed in front of her.

Needless to say, I got the usual horn, brights and finger waving from the girl. Whatever, I just kept driving, not feeling like getting into a serious altercation on the infamous Edmonton Whitemud.

But she wasn't finished with me yet. Once the freeway opened up to a three lane, she made her move as soon as she could and got up beside me. I glanced at her, but I really couldn't tell you what she looked like. I couldn't get a decent look at her face. I could tell you what her finger looked like, though. Anyways, in true annoying, stubbron style, I waved and smiled at her and turned back. Silly Scott, why do you have to antagonize people?

Sure enough, she now engages all 90 horses in her little Hyundai and gets around in front of me. Pretty soon, she's going 70 in the left lane again! OK, I finally had enough sense to get far away from her and got into the far right lane until she was gone.

I wonder what the rest of her day was like. I hope it improved. Boy it's hard being the only good driver on the road...

The "steady-on" driver!

Not to be associated or compared with the "variable speed" driver, although similarities do exist!

This guy drives 100 in the 80 zone and 100 in the 110 zone. It's like he doesn't realize that his car has the ability to go any different.

Here you are, plodding away at 80 clicks, out of your dear respect you have for the cops (even though you wish you could be going 100), and ZOOM a "steady-on" driver flies by you! Whoa! That guy's in a hurry!

Wait, no he's not! The speed limit went up to 110, so you speed up accordingly. However, you are gaining on the steady-on. Sure enough, now you fly by him! What the...?

No big deal, unless he pulls an "idiot-road-block" maneuver and putts along beside another slow driver, holding you from driving your rightfull 110! Putzoid.

Cars should really be made with "idiot-sensors" that kill the ignition when it senses an idiot about to get behind the wheel. We would all find out roads a much safer place... and quieter!